you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize