is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
