I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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