My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
