i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
