my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
