She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
