i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
