i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
