Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
