Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Mom said you looked used
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
