I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize