i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
