This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
