Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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