Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
