Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
