I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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