He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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