so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize