our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am naked and annoyed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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