I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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