My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Text me some of your sweat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
