I just threw up on my dentist
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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