How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
