Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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