I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
