new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
