i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
