i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
