he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
