I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
