We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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