I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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