On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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