I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
