Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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