How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So. Much. Porn.
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