I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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