I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
