rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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