Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
