She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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