Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
