Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
