we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
