I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
