You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
