break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
