i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may now shotgun with the bride
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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