apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
