To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I looked at my own cervix.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
