New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
