I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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