Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
