remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
