My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
