Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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