Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
