dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
