Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
