the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
