Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
