Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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