Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
