You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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