she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
