It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize