Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
