I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
