Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
