Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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