just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
