i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
