i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
