Buhtt sex?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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