why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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