yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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