I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
