yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this just has baby written all over it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
