Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
