the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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