You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
