please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
