Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
