Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
