My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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