Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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