we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
