haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
