I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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