just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
