I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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