I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
