i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
