Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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