my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
