sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
