It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
