1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize