I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
