I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
