my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
