Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
