If i come over, it means nothing
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
