oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
