i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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