Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
