The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She told me I should be a condom model.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
