she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
